While I do not know a lot of you guys on a personal level, I feel my "status" here is neutral enough to ask this kind of question without to much...um...ridicule. Plus, I've kinda separated myself from my other online friends for a bit...so yeah.
I'm a Junior at my High School, and Prom is coming up soon. There's this girl named Julie that I like, and I want to ask her to prom. But, there are a few problems:
This all sounds actually remarkably similar to my situation back in senior year (but that was for homecoming, not prom, but still similar on a few counts).
Ground rule #1: You can't wait. The longer you wait, the more likely she is to get snatched up by some ape who's been held back twice and can't hold an intelligent conversation but drives a nice car that got given to him by his rich parents who own a hotel chain and yet he somehow is able to get any girl to like him even though he's a dirtbag and will never amount to anything in life and end up dropping out of college and working at a mall hot dog stand and getting her pregnant before she's 20 and ruining the wonderful life she had ahead of her.
Even if she doesn't get snatched up by the aforementioned ape, girls need like a month to prepare for prom. They have to get a dress (fun fact -- the girl can
buy her dress for less than what you will spend to
rent a tux for the day ), figure out what to do about their hair, etc etc etc. So anyway. Ground rule #1. You can't wait.
On that note, how soon is "soon"? Like, next weekend? Yeah, that's too soon. I also don't want to discourage you, but prom is a really,
really,
really bad first date. It's formal and fancy and there's pressure for things to be right (among other things, which I'll touch on later with specifics). You really need to go out with her
at least once beforehand in order for prom to be fun for you both. I had this problem with homecoming, but that turned out okay (since we went with mutual friends, and homecoming is rather less formal than prom). If you have at least three weeks left before prom, I'd say ask her out to something less formal this weekend so you can see if y'all get along well, and then if so maybe make the prom move either during or after that date. Heck, maybe see if you can sneak in a little Orbiter during the date
But back to ground rule #1: At the absolute minimum, she needs a full weekend's worth of warning to do her shopping and stuff; ideally more like two or three.
With that said, let's get to specifics.
-Shes a grade lower then me (so, she wouldn't be going to prom if I didn't ask her)(and about her and I being in the same math class: I'm one year ahead of where I should be, so that makes her two years ahead of where she should be)
The age itself is not really a problem. Assuming she likes you, she would be absolutely flattered to be going to prom as a sophomore (since it's not something that most sophomores get to do).
What could be a problem is if she doesn't have any friends going to prom too. Are you planning on going with a group of your friends, or just the two of you? If you make prom the first date and it's just the two of you, that's a recipe for disaster. Ideally, you would go with a group of mutual friends, but I don't know if that's a situation that you have available. Also, going with a group of all your friends (who aren't also her friends) can be even worse (for her) than just going alone with her, since she won't know anyone and everyone else will be coupled up, which could make her feel somewhat like a "third wheel" and lonely if you're talking to your friends.
-I only see her during Math class, and a little bit during the next class
In itself, not a problem, but it does suggest to me that you don't really know her that well, that you're just attracted to her due to her looks and her in-class behavior (especially intelligence, I totally understand that being a turn-on)?
This is one reason why having a more informal date beforehand so you two can get comfortable with each other is important. When you're all dressed up for prom and in the formal setting of the event, it may be difficult or awkward if you're not already comfortable with them. Plus, if your high school is anything like mine, the music at prom may thoroughly suck (well, depending on your tastes) and it's difficult to hold a conversation when you have really loud crappy music in the background.
-I don't know if she likes me/has a boyfriend
Yeah, this is kind of a big one. Maybe check Facebook or Myspace to see if she has a boyfriend. As for liking you, that's what the initial date is for. Trust me, it's a lot better to get rejected if you just ask her to dinner or a movie or a kite-flying adventure in the park than if you ask her to prom (or worse, getting rejected or left
at prom).
Keep in mind also that the female mind works differently than the male mind. She may think of you as a possible friend, and it's not at all strange to go to prom as friends. Still, you really should do something with her
before prom.
-I am never able to catch her alone (and no, I don't mean that in a molester sense)
You're not trying hard enough! If she's taking off as soon as the bell rings, take off sooner! Is she in your next class? Could you talk to her as you're walking to class with her?
Also, if she runs off to join her friends, just ask her "Hey, Julie, can I ask you something?" as class ends. That'll buy you some time.
-The people that sit by us in math class would probably laugh/react in a bad way if I asked her in-front of them
Yeah, asking in front of them would be a bad idea, because then it puts her on the spot. You don't want her to feel pressured to respond in any given way. That's why it would be easier to get in a quick "Hey, I was planning on going to see that new movie 'Death and Destruction 18' this weekend, want to join me?" and then you can get the prom question in later when it's just the two of you.
So, I'm almost SOL. But I don't want to give up. So, from your 3rd person, unbias point of view, what would be the best solution for me? I don't want to accept giving up, but if that's the only real option, then I guess I have no choice.
As I've mentioned before, asking a girl out to prom when you don't know her very well can be kind of a dangerous thing to do. If you're not able to get a less formal date set up beforehand, I would recommend skipping out on this prom and courting her further in the months to come. Prom is a very bad place to discover that you're not really compatible with someone, not least of all because of how expensive it is (for both people).
Also, we just got back from a week of spring break (today), and she was in Costa Rica for the ENTIRE break (Orchestra trip). She didn't come back today (she got back at school at 5 A.M), so she'll be back tomorrow. I'm thinking of using that as a starting point for a conversation.
Hah, another similarity, in my situation the girl was an orchestra person as well. That could be a good conversation starting point though, get her to talk about the trip.
Good luck!
