Science-y jokes

[dgatsoulis]

I'll start with a few that i know... (and almost none of my friends get).
Looking forward to reading yours!

-Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?
-To get to the SAME side!

-A virus walks into a bar.
-The bartender says: We do not serve viruses in this bar.
-The virus replaces the bartender and says: Well, now you do!

-An infectious disease walks into a bar.
-The bartender says: We do not serve infectious diseases in this bar.
-The infectious disease says: "Well... you're not a very good host!"

-A room temperature superconductor, walks into a bar.
-The bartender says: We do not serve any superconductors in this bar.
-The room temperature superconductor leaves without putting up ANY resistance...

-An infrared photon walks into a bar...
And says: Is it hot here, or is it just me?

-A neutrino walks into a bar.
-The bartender says: We do not serve any neutrinos in this bar.
-The neutrino says: "Hey, i was just passing through!"

disclaimer: almost all of the jokes were wripped off this vid:

I'll finish up with this one:
-Schrödinger's cat, walks into a bar.
-...and doesn't!

 

[C3PO]

Schrödinger's cat, walks into a bar.
-...and doesn't!

:rofl: :thumbup:

 

[Fizyk]

Helium walks into a bar.
The bartender says: We don't serve your kind here.
Helium doesn't react.

 

[Spacethingy]

Helium walks into a bar.
The bartender says: We don't serve your kind here.
Helium doesn't react.

Errr... I don't get it!




A kaon walks into a bar.
The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve strangers here..."

 

[Nistenf]

An atom says to another one: "Hey I lost an electron!"
The other answers: "Are you sure?"
The first one replies: "I'm positive!"

 

[Fizyk]

Helium walks into a bar.
The bartender says: We don't serve your kind here.
Helium doesn't react.

Errr... I don't get it!

Hmm, maybe this wordplay isn't valid in English, though I was pretty sure it is. It is supposed to be about "react" which may be understood as referring to helium's reaction to what the bartender said, or as referring to a chemical reaction.

 

[IgnoreThisBarrel]

What do you call a benzene ring composed of iron atoms?
A ferrous wheel.

 

[orb]

Hmm, maybe this wordplay isn't valid in English, though I was pretty sure it is.

It is. It was posted on Random Comments Thread not long ago.

 

[Artlav]

 

[Solar424]

What happened when one luminous tachyon saw the other luminous tachyon?

That couldn't happen, tachyons travel faster than light, so the light from one could never reach the other.

 

[RisingFury]

Mr. Schrödinger is stopped by a police officer for speeding. The officer asks him: "Do you know how fast you were going?" Mr. Schrödinger replies: "No, but I know where I am!"



Do you know why Quantum physcists aren't good in bed? Because when they find a position, they can't find the momentum and when they find momentum, they can't find a position...

 

[george7378]

Not really a joke, but a funny quote:

"If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate".

Also,

A neutron walks into a bar, and asks 'how much for a beer'?
The bartender says 'For you sir, no charge'.

What's an astronomical unit?
One hell of a large appartment.

 

[fireballs619]

Now this is my kind of thread :thumbup:

I'll steal a few from my numerous ones in the random comments thread:

Why did the portobello go to the party?

He was a fungi!

Why did he leave?

There wasn't mushroom!

Did you hear? Scientist have found that photons actually have mass!

Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic!

A definite integral walks into a bar and orders 10 shots after a long day. The bartender says 'Hey, don't you think that is a bit too much?' The integral responds, 'Please, I know my limits'

 

[Sky Captain]

Taken from my collection of physics jokes I have gathered from Internet.

Q: What is the simplest way to observe the optical Doppler effect?

A: Go out at and look at cars. The lights of the ones approaching you are white, while the lights of the ones moving away from you are red.

Q: What did Donald Duck say in his graduate physics class?
A: Quark, quark, quark!

A little boy refused to run anymore. When his mother asked him why, he replied, "I heard that the faster you go, the shorter you become."

EXTREME CAUTION: This product has an energy-equivalent that, if exploded, could destroy a small town. Under no circumstance shall a User perform a mass-energy transformation on any of the contents in this package. In case of misuse, liability shall rest entirely with the User.

IMPORTANT: This product is composed of 100% matter: It is the responsibility of the User to make sure that it does not come in contact with antimatter. Under no circumstances will the Manufacturer be liable for User mishandling in this regard.

How do you know that the driver driving toward you is a physicist?
He has a red sticker on his bumper, saying: "If this sticker is blue, you are driving too fast."

 

[C3PO]

 

[Sky Captain]

27 ways to use a barometer to find the height of a building

http://www.workjoke.com/barometer.htm

 

[Nazban]

Newton, Pascal and Kepler were playing hide and seek, kepler was searching for both newton and pascal who were hiding, Pascal hides, but Newton draws a square of 1m and stands in it, when kepler finds him he says "I caught you newton". Newton replies its pascal, cause N/m2=Pascal!!!
I love my grade 7 chem teacher!!
(wrote this also in the you know you're addicted to orbiter when.....)

 

[ZombiezuRFER]

Two Bacterium are undergoing mitosis for the first time. One bacteria says to the other "I'm sorry Judy, but we're breaking up."

 

[Moach]

there are 10 types of people in the world - those who know binary, and those who don't

 

[n122vu]

One I also shared in the Random Comments Thread:

3 statisticians go deer hunting. As they walk out into the woods they spot a big buck. The first one shoots and misses to the right. The second shoots and misses to the left. The one in the middle jumps up and down shouting “We got him! We got him!”