Endothermics... another thing I don't have a clue about
You put energy into it, and when the reaction happens, you get much less energy back than you put into it. Like turning water into hydrogen and oxygen. or fusing iron atoms.
Or you can think of a simpler endothermic reaction example, if you leave chemistry behind: When you sweat, you cool down. Why? Because turning water into steam takes about 500 times more energy than heating it by one degree. (And when you condense water again... the energy comes back, an important detail for our weather)
Such a paint does have a pyrolysis reaction, but the reaction generates less energy, than the fire had to put into it, the material cools down during the reaction.
Next, you can also have an extremely low thermal conductivity by such reactions. The outer layer heats up, reacts, cools down and slowly heats up again, slowing the process for the next layer inside... etc. also, often, the reaction results in a decrease in density and increase in volume, again slowing thermal conductivity down a lot.
That is one aspect how spacecraft heat shields work today. The next aspect is carrying as much energy as possible away from the heat shield by storing it into the released products. Like only letting liquid drops of the heat shield fall away or vaporize, after storing a lot of energy (by low viscosity for example).
If every kg of heat shield stores away more than 30 MJ of energy before it leaves the spacecraft , you could reenter already without convection or radiation.
Next, any better heatshield only takes 0.5 % of the energy generated by aerodynamic heat flux. The majority stays with the air and mostly what the plasma radiates back at the spacecraft, and what is not instantly reflected away by the heatshield, adds energy to the spacecraft, so you only need more than 152 kJ/kg . in relation: Turning water into steam takes 2,260 kJ/kg. And that already shows why water is a poor heat shield material. Even with perfect values for reflection and thermal conductivity, water would be too heavy and takes too little energy away in the steam (especially if you have low ambient pressure)
And more important is the time - if you have a lot of energy in a short time, the heat shield reacts too slow and does not have the desired reactions. Pure phenolic carbon for example has only 300W/cm², enough for LEO reentries, but just too heavy.
PICA, one of the best ablative materials known, can handle 1200W/cm² heat flux - this even works if you enter Jupiters atmosphere directly.