Humor Xyon vs. O-F admin email spammer

[dbeachy1]

Hi all,

Orbiter-Forum's administrator email account gets its fair share of spam emails, but this one apparently caught Xyon in a creative mood, so I wanted to share the email reply he sent.

First, the spam message (I have removed the links):

On 6 July 2015 00:07:58 BST, Ella Regan <Ella@[snipped.com]> wrote:
Hello,
My name is Ella and I’m with [snipped], a company that provides businesses with the ability to monitor their employees' behavior on the road while increasing team productivity.
• Statistics show that millions of dollars are lost annually in Australia due to decreasing workforce productivity
• Fleet fuel management reduces fuel consumption as well as increasing the ability to efficiently dispatch your fleet using landmarks and real-time positioning
Even if you already have a source for GPS fleet tracking, it’s good to know what your options are- as there are constantly newer and more advanced alternatives. Our site will show you the most current options with the best discounts provided by highly reputable nationwide GPS software providers.
The following information will be needed in order to compose a Quote or proposal:
• Full Name
• Company Name
• Phone number
• Post Code
• Size of the fleet you need to manage
• What do you need to track (Cars / Vans / etc)
I encourage you to check out [snipped] today.
Best regards,
Ella Regan
<links snipped>

Click here to unsubscribe

--
Sent from my Android device with K-9 Mail. Please excuse my brevity

Xyon's reply:

Hi there Ella,

Our fleet of XR2 Ravenstars consistently exceeds our capacity to track them with our current tag providers; how does your solution fare at mach 24? Or indeed in a 200km circular orbit (their velocity is generally something like 8KM/s)?

We had problems tracking our fleet once they moved out after TLI, since they moved beyond the GPS network, and our current providers were a bit surprised about this so we should clarify these details upfront first.

We have seven flight-capable vehicles but only two have been checked out ready for launch this September to complete the year's ISS operations - one flies prime while the other is kept ready as a standby. We'll use all seven next year; we did have nine but Adam hit the runway still going hypersonic last time out and obliterated two of them (at a loss of some 827 billion dollarydos, I might add, and he spilled his pint, the lightweight).

If you can see us through those queries we might be able to do something but the devices won't get flight certified for another few months (we brought some new policies in after the exploding fuzzy dice fiasco of '96), so we're looking at flight ops for 2016 I guess.

Regards,
Xyon,
Administrator and Head of Spacecraft Operations,
Orbiter "Of course it catches fire, it's a rocket" Forum.

"Adam", BTW, is the name of a certain Orbiter-Forum moderator who shall remain nameless...unless he wishes to confess.

 

[MaverickSawyer]

:rofl:

OH, THAT IS GLORIOUS.

Xyon, I salute you. That was the best laugh I've had this week.

 

[tommo965]

Funny stuff, looking forward to their reply...

 

[jedidia]

Orbiter "Of course it catches fire, it's a rocket" Forum.

You know, this totally should go in the forum header :lol:

 

[Lucy]

Evidently 4:30 AM is the time to have some fun with an email spammer...

I would be delighted if they reply, rest assured we'll keep you in the loop if the conversation continues. I might bring up the secret Nigerian space station next time...

 

[Ravenous]

827 billion dollarydos

That line made my day! :lol:

 

[Athena]

That last line by Xyon. :lol:

 

[Kyle]

LOL

 

[n72.75]

I read this first while a bit drunk. It makes more sense now.

 

[Matias Saibene]

Evidently 4:30 AM is the time to have some fun with an email spammer...

I would be delighted if they reply, rest assured we'll keep you in the loop if the conversation continues. I might bring up the secret Nigerian space station next time...

Never forget:
http://www.orbiter-forum.com/showthread.php?t=34503

 

[SolarLiner]

(we brought some new policies in after the exploding fuzzy dice fiasco of '96)

Are the reports still confidential or has there been a publicly released version of them? I've seen some of those "fuzzy dices" and wonder why did they cause problem in the past. :hmm:

Good thing we switched to DGIV here in the ASF; better tracking capabilities, as well as autonomous spatial recognition (though, unavailable for interstellar travel, there's a warranty void here) :lol:

 

[ex-orbinaut]

:rofl:Nice! I've had some fun with scammers myself, in the past. Entertaining!

 

[Andy44]

Probe be with thee, Xyon!